Madam's next MRI scan is scheduled for the 27th of May. Which means, that I spent the last few days thinking about pretty much nothing else. There are so many unknowns that would get their answers on 27th. Is the tumor growing? Is the excess fluid in her brain under control? Is there pressure in her brain? Would she need to do microradiosurgery immediately? Life had started to seem normal over the last few weeks, would all of it go out for a toss?
I found myself returning to these questions over and over again and it took all my willpower to ignore them and move on with whatever I was doing at the moment. I realized that if I don't keep myself fully occupied, I would simply worry myself silly.
So that's what I did - I immersed myself in activities. Work helped because there were several important meetings that I had to prepare for and I had evening calls every single day running past midnight, I applied to film festivals (which are more time consuming than one would think), I spent a lot of time with Madam, painting, reading and going on outings, I did a lot of yoga, I finished reading a book (one of Simon Brett's Fethering mysteries) and I took mom in law for pain therapy sessions for her knee problem - after which we celebrated with some really good food and drinks at TCC.
In fact, I was so focused on keeping my mind occupied that when my poor husband came over and started a conversation saying "I hope she is fine...", thereby expressing his nervousness about what might happen on 27th, I mercilessly cut him off with a "Sorry, I don't wanna think about it. Am gonna read my book" and promptly did just that. That was probably rather selfish and not very considerate, but well, that's what I did. Because thinking about it gives me palpitations and I don't quite enjoy that feeling.
This focus on distracting myself did work pretty well in a few ways - some of those important meetings turned out pretty well, I spent some good time catching up with the in-laws on our outings to the pain relief clinic and TCC after, and it was also nice when Madam joined us on an unexpected weekday afternoon trip once. To a large extent, all of this did help me forget about the upcoming day too.
And now the wait is almost over because tomorrow is the 27th. I have completed all the admission formalities and we are ready to go. Am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.
431 more to go.
I found myself returning to these questions over and over again and it took all my willpower to ignore them and move on with whatever I was doing at the moment. I realized that if I don't keep myself fully occupied, I would simply worry myself silly.
So that's what I did - I immersed myself in activities. Work helped because there were several important meetings that I had to prepare for and I had evening calls every single day running past midnight, I applied to film festivals (which are more time consuming than one would think), I spent a lot of time with Madam, painting, reading and going on outings, I did a lot of yoga, I finished reading a book (one of Simon Brett's Fethering mysteries) and I took mom in law for pain therapy sessions for her knee problem - after which we celebrated with some really good food and drinks at TCC.
In fact, I was so focused on keeping my mind occupied that when my poor husband came over and started a conversation saying "I hope she is fine...", thereby expressing his nervousness about what might happen on 27th, I mercilessly cut him off with a "Sorry, I don't wanna think about it. Am gonna read my book" and promptly did just that. That was probably rather selfish and not very considerate, but well, that's what I did. Because thinking about it gives me palpitations and I don't quite enjoy that feeling.
This focus on distracting myself did work pretty well in a few ways - some of those important meetings turned out pretty well, I spent some good time catching up with the in-laws on our outings to the pain relief clinic and TCC after, and it was also nice when Madam joined us on an unexpected weekday afternoon trip once. To a large extent, all of this did help me forget about the upcoming day too.
And now the wait is almost over because tomorrow is the 27th. I have completed all the admission formalities and we are ready to go. Am keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.
431 more to go.
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