Days 274 - 285 : The Beauty of Routine.

I had not updated the blog in a while... mainly because I didn't feel like it.

Life had fallen to some sort of a pattern. We would go every morning, 5 days a week, to the radiation centre, get Madam sedated and get the treatment done. Then we would come home and relax. Over the weekend when the IV is off, we would go out somewhere for a good meal or somewhere for her to play and that's about it. Work in office was lean thanks to the holiday season, so it was all very laid back.

A couple of glitches along the way were when Madam caught a flu and fever and the rash breakouts on her hand every time the IV is taken out. Five continuous days of the bound arms in the hot, humid weather wasn't pleasant and she got heat rashes. But I would say, amongst everything else, these were minor glitches. Good news is that we have only 7 more of these treatment sessions to go for and the treatment would be completed on January 10th. So am very much looking forward to that.

On the bright side, my film continues to do well. I have been told that I have won Best Director at the Jodhpur International Film Festival which is to happen in February. It would be my first Best Director award, so that is great! The film has also won the Best Cinematography award at the same festival, making it 6 awards in total for us.

Even better, it has been confirmed that we are officially selected for Thrissur International Film Festival - which means I finally get to screen the film in my hometown! Not just that, my technical crew and I have been invited to give a workshop on low budget film making to the delegates of the festival! How freaking cool is that!! Am terribly excited about this one!

Also, the film was screened at the Kalyan International Film Festival where it had received a nomination for Best Regional Film Award. I couldn't attend the festival myself, but I heard via my co-producer who was there, that the audience thoroughly enjoyed the film. Apparently here was much discussion on the nuances in the concept and script and I was thrilled to know about all that! I was also thrilled that my best friend since school also made her way to watch the film - she is a home maker, so she actually got her husband to take half day leave to pick up their son from school and then made her way to the festival. How sweet is that!

In other news, I also managed to revamp my website www.shilpakrishnanshukla.com. This website was originally created by the husband as a 30th birthday gift for me and was full of love and praises for me (*blush*). However, that wouldn't do for an "official page", so all the love and praise have been stripped but the domain has been maintained to feature all my film and other works. Am happy about finally getting that job done!

So there many things to rejoice. But for me, the biggest one is that life has fallen into a routine with no surprises. And I can't begin to tell you how really awesome that feels.

215 more to go.  

Days 271 - 273 : Festivals, 5K and a Script!

In midst of everything else, here are some other awesome things that happened too...

- I have managed to complete my first ever Malayalam commercial feature film script! I had been stuck at about 70% for a long time but thanks to the thinking time I had while travelling to and from Guwahati, I managed to figure out the remaining 30% of the screenplay. Writing it down then was just a matter of few hours, so that was easily done. So there! Another full length script! I have no idea what will come of this because the last feature script in Tamil is still lying around after four years since I completed it. But any writing is good, so am happy about this!

- I did my first 5K run in a very, very long time! I am not at all a runner at heart, but I had been following a personalized plan on RunKeeper over the last few weeks and I finally hit 5K. Actually more than hitting 5K, I was happy at how my stamina has been built over these few weeks. I realized that when my co-producer and I had to run quite a distance at the Delhi airport to catch our flight to Guwahati. While he was quite beat by the unexpected run, I wasn't too affected, which made me realize that my stamina must have improved. That felt good.

- Last but not the least, I think the last time I updated, Pularum Iniyum Naalekal had been officially selected to 17 festivals. Am so, so, so happy to share that the count is now at 21! Notably we are part of the Elles Tournent Dames Draaein Brussels Female Film Festival 2017 and we have been Nominated for the Best Regional Film Awards at the massive Kalyan International Film Festival in Mumbai! How very, very awesome!

227 more to go.

Days 259 - 270 : The Low, The High, The Calm.

What an incredible few days it was. It hit some extreme lows and some extreme highs and then when I couldn't handle the ride, I slept it all off. Literally.

So it started with the toughest week of treatment. Madam was being given oral sedation every day prior to the treatment and she took it for a couple of days last week without much resistance. However, this week she fought it with tooth and nail. I tasted a bit of it myself and realized that it really is quite awful - not the taste but the texture really makes you gag and she has to take a very large quantity for it to take effect. So couldn't blame her for fighting this one. For a couple of days, she still managed to take it - and the routine was 1 hour of persuasion, 1 hour for it to take effect, and after the treatment, 3 hours for her wake up groggy and irritated. It was bad. But then the lowest point was when we went to the clinic on the Wednesday and she refused it flat. After close to two hours of tears and screams and bribes and attempts at forced feeding and resulting spit outs, we had to return back without the treatment being done. That was awful. So the decision was made that from the next day, she would get IV sedation. So for the remaining two days of the week, she carried around the IV and that ended up being a much less painful solution. Sure, there was still the pain of the injection and the discomfort of carrying around a bound arm with the IV in for a couple of days, but the sedation takes effect immediately and post treatment, she is up and about in 20 minutes. After the many hours of torture each day, this was God send!

Now comes the high. Post her treatment on Friday, I took a flight to Delhi, on my way to the Guwahati Film Festival. I had an overnight stay in Delhi and luckily, I had the company of the first professional critic of my films, who was kind enough to come all the way to the airport to meet me and who helped me find an Uber to the hotel, gave me company in the taxi in the 1.5 hours that took to cover the 7 kms and finally joined me for dinner. Over the few hours we were together, we discussed pretty much everything that could be discussed on films! It was inspiring! The next morning, I met my co-producer at the airport and together we were on our way to Guwahati (special mention to the gorgeous view of the Himalayan mountain ranges including the mighty Mt. Everest that accompanied us on the flight!)

The picture does no justice!

Upon arrival at Guwahati, we took a cab to our respective accommodations. Mine was supposed to be the Government Circuit House (which had a spectacular view of the lake next door) and his was another hotel nearby. However, it so happened that I realized my room in Circuit house was in a corner on the third floor with no working phone connection or internet and that didn't help at all, especially given that my own phone had zero network. So I shifted to the same hotel where the organizers had booked an additional room and where at least I got a working internet connection. We were also joined by our Assamese sound designer, who had first mentioned this festival to us and was the reason why we had applied to it.

The beautiful Circuit House

The view from what would have been my room at Circuit House

The gorgeous lake!

Post lunch and our brief small team catch up, we got ready to attend the opening ceremony of the film festival. We were picked up by a car arranged by the organizers and were brought to the beautiful Rabindra Bhawan, the venue. We got a red carpet welcome - yes, there actually was a red carpet and backdrop for photo op and multiple cameras flashing away! Then we were taken into the auditorium, and much to our surprise, all three of us - i.e the co-producer, the sounder design and I were invited on to the stage to join the chief guests! It was such a honour! We were given a beautiful reception - wonderful introduction speeches, and were gifted hand woven bags, shawls and a few books on Indian and Assamese cinema. We were also made part of the inaugural ceremony and were asked to light the lamps and I also had the honour of giving a speech! It was all beyond believable! My team and I couldn't stop talking about it!

On the red carpet with my team!

Blessed to share the same dais as the other chief guests!

The warm reception!

Being part of the inaugural ceremony!

Post that wonderful ceremony, we watched a beautiful national award winning Meghalayan film "Onataah" and had the opportunity to interact with its maker too. It was rather incredible to hear my name being mentioned in the same breath as his when everyone was talking about cinema, because he was clearly way above and a real pro! It was all very heartening and things were really on a high. Post the film, we were taken for some authentic Assamese cuisine with the organizers and other chief guests including the General Secretary of the Federation of Film Societies of India. I found it hard to believe that I was actually sitting opposite him at the same table and enjoying a meal! The meal, by the way, was exemplary, especially the non veg dishes. The conversation was incredible too... I learnt much about Assam and the north east, the cuisine, the people and much more. Needless to say, I slept that night, a very happy person! 

A table full of yumminess!

With all the good folks who made the dinner enjoyable!

Next day, I woke up early and got ready for the day of the screening. I met the team for breakfast and as we were walking through yesterday's amazing turn events for the  umpteenth time, one of the organizers came over and gave us some gifts - Assamese rice, Assamese tea and Assamese chillies which are supposed to be one of the hottest in the world! Apparently over dinner yesterday, he had mentioned that he would give these to us, so that's exactly what he did. How sweet was that!

With gifts of Assamese rice, tea and red hot chillies!

Now that we were better acquainted with the local geography, post breakfast, the team and I walked from the hotel to the venue for our screening. We were pleased to see big hoardings about the festival, featuring poster of our film, on the streets of Guwahati and we took several photos!

Festival hoardings (our poster visual is on it!)

Soon the guests arrived - some Malayalis included, and the screening began. The best part? Post the screening, when I stood up to take the Q&A, I was given a standing ovation! I can't even say this is like a dream like true, because even my dreams don't go this far! This was just A.m.a.z.i.n.g!

Q&A post screening

After Q&A during which we got some incredibly positive feedback, it was time for me to rush to the airport. I had to make sure I catch my flight to Delhi and then again on to Singapore, so that am back in Singapore on Monday morning for Madam's treatment again. Given that I had no network on my phone at all, I took the help of one of the Malayali audience - a young chap who works in a bank - to check the flight status, only to realize that my Spicejet flight is delayed. A delay on my flight to Delhi would have definitely ensured that I would miss the flight to Singapore, because the two flights were even at different terminals. A friend of my co-producer who works in a travel agency was immediately contacted, and he said that if we rush to the airport immediately, we might be able to take an earlier Vistara. So I quickly said my huge thanks and goodbyes to the organizers and with my team, rushed to the hotel, rushed up to my room and grabbed my luggage, rushed into a waiting taxi and left for the airport. This in turn caused the hotel staff to give many panicked calls to us later, because they couldn't figure out why "Madam just took her bag and ran away"!

At the airport, the staff of Vistara went out of the way to get me a ticket even though the booking time was officially over. Not just that, they even gave me an upgrade! Elated, I bid farewell to my co-producer and sound designer and navigated my way through the overcrowded Guwahati airport and was finally on my way to Delhi. 

As soon as I landed in Delhi, I realized that my flight Singapore was also delayed! So much for all that panic and last minute changes to tickets! But good news was that there was no change of terminal needed. So I relaxed first in the domestic terminal with a mocha from Starbucks, and then relaxed in the lounge at the international terminal. Now "relax" is a stretch because by now, I was exhausted and was coming down with a massive cold. All I wanted to do was get back home and crash on my bed and maybe not wake up for a real long time. 

Instead, somehow I dragged myself from lounge to flight, somehow I managed that horrid overnight red eye flight and then again, dragged myself from flight to home. As soon as I got home, it was time for Madam's treatment, so I didn't get any time to rest. So after freshening up, we were back at the clinic for the next IV injection (the previous one was removed on Friday). Luckily, this time it was quite a painless process. She didn't cry as much and she recovered quickly too, thank God! 

Back home, with finally feeling some peace and calm, I slept. A LOT. I think I woke up a couple of times for an hour each or so, but other than that I slept through the rest of the afternoon, the evening and the night and woke up the next morning. 

And I did a fair amount of sleeping for the next few days as well. I followed a routine of clinic in the morning and a massive nap in the afternoon. My two feeble attempts at running and home workout didn't go very well either. The cold came on full swing and I reeled under it. 

So yeah, I just slept. And slept. And slept. It was the calm I needed after all those lows and highs. 

At the end of it all, I woke up refreshed, energized and forever grateful.

230 more to go. 

Days 255 - 258 : The Window Seat (& The Female Film Festival of Kerala)

I mentioned in the previous post that it had been an emotional pendulum touching some real highs and real lows over the last few days. That was most true for the four days post discharge from the hospital. 

Let's start with the lows. 

It was really tough to get Madam to take the oral sedation. She is usually quite good with medicines, we never needed too much convincing but this particular one makes her gag and she resists it a lot. After somehow giving the oral sedation, she takes anywhere between 15 minutes to 1.5 hours to fall into deep sleep. Sometimes even though she looks like she is in deep sleep, she just wakes up as soon as the mask is put on and then we need another round of making her fall asleep. Post the treatment, she takes anywhere between 2 - 4 hours to wake up. And then she is super groggy and fatigued through the evening and night. The brave girl that she is, she would try her best to be chirpy and upbeat every morning but you can see the sedation and treatment taking its toll. And then to add on, the fact that tumor has grown and being told by the radiation oncologist that even if this gets treated 100%, there is still 30% chance of recurrence in the future - all of that pretty much sucked. 

So well, those were the lows. 

Then comes the extreme highs. 

I had the privilege of attending the Female Film Festival of Kerala in Thiruvananthapuram. Because the organizers were kind enough to schedule my film's screening at a time I can travel, I could actually attend it in person. They scheduled it for the morning of 4th December, Sunday, so I could make a weekend trip that doesn't coincide with any of Madam's treatment sessions. 

So yes, on the night of 2nd December, I took a flight out. The trip already started on a high, when I was upgraded to business class! My parents picked me up from the airport in Thiruvananthapuram and we checked in our hotel. Next morning, we paid a visit to a couple of temples and then went over to the festival screening venue. After getting introduced to some of the organizing members there and catching a couple of films, we made our way to the hotel for a quick rest. In the evening, we set off again to the festival venue. The plan was to watch the first few minutes of the panel session on "Women's films : Changing perspectives" and then make our way to another temple. 

And then the most interesting thing happened. Once we reached there, I was invited to not only be part of the panel but in fact INAUGURATE it! I was astounded and completely nervous because everyone else had come prepared with pages of notes and there I was with nothing but some prayers to the universe to make this as painless as possible. 

But they insisted that all I had to do was to talk about my experience as a female film maker and nothing more. That was easy and that's exactly what I did. The good news is that the people seemed to enjoy it and many folks came up to me later and said that this has made them curious to come watch my film's screening the next day. Free publicity, right there! I was thrilled! I also really enjoyed the rest of the panel discussion. It was fascinating to hear such varied points of view on cinema - what is male chauvinistic, what is not... why we don't see more female oriented films at festivals or even if we do, they are mostly dealing with assaults and violence... and many such fascinating topics. In a nutshell, it was an experience I am going to keep close to my heart for a long time to come. 

The evening was spent in the company of my cousin and family who live in Thiruvananthapuram (I love their little boy to bits! Due to his current obsession of Pulimurugan, I ended up calling him Puliraman throughout) as well as my co-producer who reached from Mumbai late in the evening. 

Then the D-day arrived. Once again we were back at the venue in the morning. After catching a film by renowned Malayalam film maker Padmarajan, it was time for my screening! We had a decently big audience - some of them were family and friends who had come to support (a huge thanks to those lovely people) and the rest were the organizers, media, critics and general public. We were given a brief introduction and I spoke a few words as well and then began the screening. 

Finally, I got watch a live screening of our film! It was a beautiful experience especially as I could see the audience engage and react so positively throughout - they were smiling, clapping, and there were no walkouts or phone disturbances. It was incredible! 

Then came the highlight! The Q&A and feedback session. My co-producer and I took the stage to accept questions. There were really no questions but the session ended up being critical analysis of various aspects of the movie. Overhwlemingly positive and some opportunity for improvement and I was so amused to see how taken people were with the film! Some of them seriously seemed to have given it more thought than I had till date and it was truly a blessing to be there and accept all that feedback. 

Post the screening I was interviewed for a couple of newspapers as well as a TV channel and then many members of the audience flocked around me to tell me how much they loved the film. Women, especially those who had come together with their husbands, were the most thrilled. They kept saying "I was nudging my husband throughout because this is so close to our life!". One of my uncle's friends came over with his wife and gifted me a beautiful painting, a wooden trinket box and a elephant curio. How sweet was that! Few folks from the industry asked to work together in the future. And pretty much everyone said "Please take film making more seriously and make more movies." To me, that was enough. It made the whole journey pretty much worth it. 

Those were the highs. The festival. The screening. The feedback. The people. I loved every single bit of it. 

On the way back from Thiruvananthapuram to Singapore, I squeezed into the window seat for my overnight flight. I usually do not take the window seat in spite of the promise of a good view, because I really do not fancy having to jump over two strangers to attend a bio call! Also, after so much frequent travelling, you sort of lose that fascination for the window seat. 

So there I was, squeezed in my window seat, resting my head on my pillow and pondering over everything that happened. The highs and the lows. And it broke my heart to think that come tomorrow, I would be back with my little girl at the radiation oncology centre. It would be all that sedation, tears and fatigue... for another 26 sessions. To prevent an emotional meltdown right in the plane, I tried to block off all those thoughts and somewhere along the way slept off. 

When I woke up, they had dimmed off all the cabin lights. I gazed out of the window and there it was - a galaxy of stars in a moonless, cloudless sky. Millions and millions of them! It took my breath away.  I looked at that magnificent sight and it dawned upon me that, this is what it is. I gave up the convenient aisle seat for the squeeze of the window seat and got rewarded with this sight. So maybe just like all those endless hours spent on making the film ending up in this magical journey today, the lows that are about to hit may just also have some highs in the future. That is it. It is as simple as that. 

So I am ready, for the window seat.