Days 252 - 254 : Silver Linings at the Hospital!

Well, well... where do I start? Today is December 8th, and I actually don't have any idea how to write this post, because it has been a true roller coaster ride. It's been a tough, unforgettable and yet, fulfilling few days. My emotional pendulum has swung between extreme highs and extreme lows and I have wondered several times what exactly is this universe trying to tell me. Anyway, am going to break the last few days down into a few posts, just to avoid one long epic. So here goes.

Madam got admitted on November 28th for her CT and MRI scans. The prep and procedures went off pretty smoothly - she was very cooperative, there were hardly any tears during IV insertion and she recovered pretty quickly from sedation too.  Then came the news - the tumor has enlarged a little and her treatment now requires 30 sessions, vs. the originally planned 25 sessions. Bummer.

But there's always a silver lining and the silver lining here was that, we didn't wait until March or June next year to start the radiation as was previously planned. Even though her scans in early November showed that tumor hasnt grown, her neurosurgeon had recommended to go for radiation immediately vs. waiting because "this tumor is the sort that can just grow quickly, even though the latest scan doesn't show any growth." Well, God bless him. He was right. The tumor grew but it should come under control now that we are already beginning the radiation. See? Silver lining.

We were at the hospital until the 30th. In between she was subjected to two rounds of radiation treatment, both preceded by a round each of IV sedation, one round of oral sedation that didnt work, and many hours of boredom in the hospital ward which she combated with lots of singing, dancing, chatting and playing hide and seek in the garden. She is such a hero!

While we are at it, I should also mention the other silver lining - the Mt. Elizabeth hospital at Novena where she was admitted, which was nothing short of a 5-star hotel! It had the best view, a coffee machine, and even a Japanese commode in the washroom complete with the all fancy water outlets, dyers, and even a warm toilet seat! Previously she used to be at the Mt. Elizabeth hospital at Orchard, because that's where her neurosurgeon Dr. Pillay is, but was shifted to Novena for radiation because that's where the latest equipment for the treatment is available. So well, I have to say we are blessed in many ways like this.

And just when we were getting discharged, a huge group came over to sing Christmas carols and distribute gifts to the kids. So we ended our stay with music, smiles, a lot of cheer and 2 out of the 30 sessions behind us. Many, many silver linings!

Enjoying the view from the hospital room with her Panda!

All smiles in the garden, after her MRI.

Santa Claus & Songs!

246 more to go.

Days 246 - 251 : Gratitude!

Am doing another compilation vs. individual posts because it is the night before the start of Madam's radiation treatment, and let's just say I am not in the most blog-writing mood ever.

But it has been an amazing few days and gratitude is due. No matter how the next five weeks would go, I would still be counting my blessings. Not just for what's in this blog, but for everything that built up to it.

So here goes. 6 great things over the last 6 days.

1) & 2) We got into two more festivals, the Guwahati Film Festival as well as the Chhatrapati Shivaji Film Festival in Pune! I am so, so, so happy that the film is doing so well... exceeding any expectations I have had for it! That's 17 festivals so far, and it is unbelievable!

3) I got a picture of the brochure for the Female Film Fest of Kerala, and it was heartening to see the poster of Pularum Iniyum Naalekal, right next to that of Choker Bali featuring Aishwarya Rai and directed by Rituparno Ghosh. How awesome!

4) I had a great year end performance review at work. It's my last review with the current manager, the same person who hired me to Abbott, since he is moving to a new role from December. I think one part of why I had been able to perform so well at Abbott is also because of how incredible a manager he is - it takes special talent to get the maximum out of your reportees while keeping them inspired, and I see him quite successful at that with all his direct reports. Am very thankful to him for his coaching and support through the last 1.5 years at Abbott and am also happy that in spite of all that had happened over the last year, I have managed to keep up the performance at work. Huge thanks to the universe for that!

5) We spent today in the company of our best friends here in Singapore. Not only did I have a great time, but it is just so heartening to know that there is this bunch who has always been and always will be with us through everything. I love them and am so thankful for them.

6) Lastly in an unplanned celebratory mood, I watched a Malayalam movie in the theatre, (after maybe years!) - the first Malayalam movie to hit the 100 crore club in India - Pulimurugan! It was my mom who inspired me to go watch the film in the theatre - she even shared with me a link to a cinema in Singapore that was playing it, because she felt that I must watch the movie on the big screen to enjoy the full effect! So I went and watched it - all alone for most part of it since the husband joined 2 hours post the beginning of the 2 hour 40 minute movie! And my mom was right too. While the story and screenplay leaves much to be desired, the cinematography, the stunts and the sound were all incredible and yes, the theatre is highly recommended to enjoy the technical aspects. It also gave me great pleasure to watch it because the sound editor for Pulimurugan is the sound designer for Pularum Iniyum Naalakel. So I felt so proud! The husband and I also celebrated the film festival streak of my own movie with some amazing wine and dinner over a long conversation. And am always thankful for movies, wine, conversations and my time with the husband.

So yes, much has happened. Much is about to happen. But for today, for now, I know that am in the best possible place I can be and am very thankful for that.

249 more to go. 

Days 240 - 245 : Six Days, Six Festivals, One Award!

It has been an incredible week! We actually got official selection into SIX festivals and even picked up an award, and the last three were all confirmed today, the 21st of November (something must have been really right with my planetary alignments today!)

1) First and foremost, is Nevada Film Festival! Am gonna borrow my Facebook post for this one. 

In 2011, my first feature film "Mausams" won the Silver Screen award at the Nevada Film Festival. So when I applied again in 2016 with "Pularum Iniyum Naalekal" I was secretly hoping for at least a Golden Reel or maybe even a Platinum Reel award if the gods would be kind enough, because you know... the jury at Nevada seem to like my style of film making and I personally think PIN is a better made film than Mausams.

The festival just announced the 2016 winners and little did I expect the outcome ... because we didn't win the Silver or the Golden or the Platinum awards. 

We actually won the "BEST FOREIGN FILM"!!! 

How awesome is that?! The gods are indeed very very kind! 

The list of other festivals are as follows: 

2) Official Selection, The Mespies, 2017 

3) Official Selection, Jodhpur International Film Festival, 2016

4) Official Selection, Buddha International Film Festival, 2017 

(I heard about #2 - #4 all today!)

5) Official Selection, UK Monthly Movie Awards 

6) And last but not the least, Official Selection at the 6th Female Film Festival of Kerala, 2016. And the best part about this one? I would actually be attending the festival in Trivandrum in December over a weekend! I am SO freaking excited! 

All I can say is am so thankful with all the blessings the universe is sending my way, even as the 5 weeks of radiation therapy is looming ahead. This is the best dose of distraction ever. And I am so thankful for that! 

256 more to go. 

Day 239 : Madam's Friendships!

True Story:

Yesterday: 
Me: "So how's your best friend?"
Madam: "I don't have any best friends"?
"Uhm... you were best friends with her until yday".
"Yes, but today we are not best friends. We are not even friends."
"Why?"
"Because she said she is not my friend anymore"
"Why?"
"Because I laughed at her."
"Why did you laugh at her?"
"Because she was supposed to write '12'. But she wrote '1S'".
"So did you say sorry?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Why should I?"
"Because you laughed at her!"
"She should say sorry first. She was the one who wrote '1S'."

I gave up at that point.
.
.
.
.


Today: 
"So, how's ex-best friend? Are you friends yet?"
"Yes, we are friends. We are best friends."
"Oh wow... great! So who said sorry first?"
"Nobody said sorry. That's why we are best friends."

OK then.

261 more to go. 

Day 238 : Yet Another Birthday!

It was Madam's birthday as per the Malayalam calendar. That meant little bit of payasam courtesy of our helper and a visit to the beautiful Toa Payoh temple, a ritual we haven't missed the last four years.

While I was pretty pleased about the sweet and quiet birthday, Madam obviously had other ideas. "Is this it? Where is everyone? Where is my cake?"

I gently reminded her about the two birthday parties that she has already had for the year and I can tell you that didn't go down very well.

Happy birthday, dear one!

262 more to go. 

Day 237 : Mom & Daughter Day!

The husband is out for yet another business trip, so it was up to Madam and I to entertain ourselves for the Sunday. And we really maxed it out!

First we went for the Art Exhibition "Varnam" organized by the Singapore Malayalee Association. Madam had a great time looking at the paintings, commenting on them, picking her favourites (usually once with some amount of pink in them..sigh), and even weaving stories around some of them - apparently one with a few palm trees depicted the island where her brother (imaginary, of course) stayed when he was a baby. Her interest in the exhibition quickly waned when I started mingling with the organizer and artists (some of them recognized me as that "famous film maker"... haha), so we then made our way back home.

After lunch and a quick nap, we went to watch the animation movie Trolls - complete with hot dogs and popcorn, but of course. Madam thoroughly enjoyed the movie and sat still throughout, literally gaping at the screen.

Post the movie, it was time for her favourite nuggets and ice cream and then we quickly made our way back home to avoid the downpour from the super dark clouds that were on their way.

At night, she couldn't sleep for a while, so she kept twisting and turning to find the most comfortable positioning, which ended up in her snuggling close to me over and again. It was so perfect!

There is really a lot to be thankful for. And I loved my exclusive day with her!

263 more to go. 

Days 233 - 236 : It's All About Cinema!

A lot happened in the last few days, all revolving around movies. So here goes!

1) We finally released our Making video - i.e. behind the scenes for Pularum Iniyum Naalekal. Working on this has been so amazing - just to be able to relive the wonderful journey that is was!

2) We have been selected for the 2017 NEZ International Film Festival, Kolkata! The festival is only in Sep next year, but we already got our confirmation, so that's awesome!

3) I took an outing on my own (hasn't happened in ages) for what I love best - going for a movie screening. This short film called "Fall Bidding" by a friend was screened at the Blu Jaz Cafe on Bali Lane. I loved my walk through the curio shops of Haji Lane, I enjoyed the screening, I enjoyed the many lovely people of the cast and crew whom I knew from before, and I even ended up discussing the concept for a short film to my prospective actress! It was such a beautiful evening!

4) I realized that Pularum Iniyum Naalekal would be screened at the Delhi International Film Festival on the 8th of December, at 4:10pm, right before a Malayalam film "Pathemari", starring Kerala's biggest star Mammootty! Just to see the names of the two films right next to each other was nothing short of incredible! Sent me straight on top of cloud nine!

Rather filmy few days, but who is complaining!

264 more to go.

Day 232 : Annual Day!

It was Madam's Annual Day celebration at school.

Earlier, when I showed (according to her, undue) excitement at the idea of her dancing for it, she told me, "It is a boring dance". So clearly I wasn't supposed to be this excited. So I tried telling her that a boring dance it may be but still she would be going on stage and that counts for something. So she replied, "It's a boring dance on a boring stage."

Oh well.

Anyway once at school, she seemed to be more interested in the activities and happily got dressed, complete with make up. She also played along and did her part well enough in the "boring dance on the boring stage" and I was super proud of my little one.

The husband and I enjoyed the performance, applauded real loud for Madam, stuffed ourselves with the vada pav from the canteen (perks of sending your kid to an Indian school) and generally had a merry time.

Here's a rather unclear photo of her's at the performance... she is the little one on the left side.

268 more to go. 

Day 231 : In "Spotlight"!

Today I discovered that Pularum Iniyum Naalekal has been selected as a film "In the Spotlight" at the Calcutta Cult International Film Festival! Happy!


269 more to go. 

Days 229 - 230 : The Joy of Normalcy!

Finally we had a "normal" weekend. By which I mean that neither the husband and I are travelling, there are no festivals or celebrations (which are fun but tiring), no guests, no "things to do", nothing. Just a very chilled weekend doing routine things like taking Madam to her ballet class, getting her a haircut followed by ice cream, date night with the husband (after many, many weeks), and a movie at the theatre (after a few months!), some exercising, a couple of glasses of wine, afternoon naps and peace.

I love routine. I love normalcy.

270 more to go.  

Day 228 : Before We Visit the Goddess!

Another beautifully written book from one of my most favourite authors Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. As always it is less about the plot and the story, but more about her characterizations, the flow, the poetic language and the fact that you can't help but fall in love with it! Beautiful!

272 more to go. 

Day 227 : Chakrasana - Check!

What a happy, happy day!

For the longest time now (maybe for 4 years or more) I had not been able to do chakrasana (wheel pose) on my own. I always could hold it once I was up, but never seemed to be able to hoist myself up on my own. So whenever chakrasana came in a yoga video, I would simply do a bridge pose instead. However, today as I was following one of Lesley Fightmaster's yoga videos, on a whim, I decided to try out the chakrasana together with her. I prepared myself for it with zero expectations and pushed away at the mat. Lo and behold, there I was...hoisted well about the ground, in a full chakrasana, much to my own surprise!

I couldnt believe what happened, so I was convinced that this was just fluke. So I tried again, and could do it again. Oh my dear God.

Chakrasana - CHECK! The joy!

273 more to go. 

Day 226: Run!

It's been ages since I've gone running. My last many months had been focused on yoga or dance or Fitness Blender workout videos at home. But I decided that I need to run - you know, be out in the nature, away from screens, all that stuff.

So I downloaded Runkeeper again, bought myself a customized running plan and started to run.

At the end of the run, Runkeeper asks you whether you felt bad, good or great. And I felt absolutely "GREAT"!

274 more to go. 

Day 225 : The Results

We met Madam's neurosurgeon today morning to talk the scan results.

Good news was that the tumor had not grown or spread. What wasn't so great was that the tumor is still very much around, deeply embedded in her brain. Of course, this was very much expected but you still can't feeling disappointed every time you hear it.

The doctor recommended to go for microradiosurgery (non invasive radiation treatment) within the next 6 months and earlier the better, because she is now old enough to get it done. It would be about 3 - 4 weeks of daily treatment.

This treatment again, was not unexpected but we had been expecting it to happen only next June or Dec. However, now that he thinks we should get it ASAP, the coming December seemed the best option. She would be having term break for a month and work would be lean for us as well.

So yes, just like that, my plan for December, for both her and me, changed from attending film festivals and holidaying in Kerala, to a few weeks of radiation therapy.

But then that's how the Universe works I guess.

So yes, bring on the lemons.

Am already planning the Christmas party that I will throw when she is back home after her last day of radiation treatment.

That would be my lemonade.

275 more to go.